Posted 11.16.2009
STALWART'S SONGWRITTING CRITIQUE OF THE DAY
“Step one: We can have lots of fun”
Strange that first step would be to have fun. I think we should exchange phone numbers and get to know each other a little first. Also, no writer with any sense of self worth should use the word “lots”. Especially not on a date.
“Step two: There's so much we can do”
This is technically not a step. It's kind of a vague, non-committal expansion of the first step, assuming that he’s talking about having more “lots of fun" here.
“Step three: It's just you and me”
~ Shouldn’t this have been the first step? Much less confusing to get this out of the way right off the bat. Then we can get to having lots of fun since, apparently, there’s so much we can do.
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"Step four: I can give you more”
“Step five: Give me more of what? I know it’s just you and me and we’re gonna have lots of fun but I still have no idea what kind of activities we’re going to be participating in. So telling me you’re going to give me more before I don’t even know what we’re doing in the first place is rather presumptuous of you...Joe.
Don't you know that the time has arrived”
Oh great, so now the time has arrived and we still have nothing planned. This is the shittiest date ever.
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